One of the things that is surprising yet largely true is that most people find it difficult to explain what is it that they’re looking for, whether it’s while dating or pursuing a relationship. That’s fine, so long as they know what they want but do they? Most of us just assume that we’ll know when we meet the right person. But it’s not so much about them as it is about us and our needs. Do we really pause to think and get clear on our life direction and priorities first?
This is key to knowing what we, as individuals want, with our different needs and relationship goals. Ideally, this should be done before anything else, including going on that first date. Most people just start dating without having that clarity of thought, and before you know they are in what faintly resembles a relationship but in fact is not a relationship. Then when they find themselves in a messy situation, they start to think about what went wrong. They wonder how they got into a relationship with an emotionally immature person or in a relationship which fulfils most of their relationship needs except the one that is the most important for them, all this while waiting for some god sent sign to appear which will tell them exactly what to do!
Our relationship priorities are closely tied with our life purpose, so it makes sense to figure out what kind of a life do we want to lead. It’s not good enough to simply know it, but one has to be firm about it. I’m saying this because you cannot have this and that, for example, if you want to be with someone who has the same cultural background as you, then you have to be prepared to narrow your options down. You cannot look for diversity, you cannot date someone who is from another culture if ultimately you will not be able to accept it. You need to figure out what your deal breakers are. They are always based on your values so really the first step is to figure out what is it that’s important to you. What do you stand for? It sounds like a no brainer but it’s surprising how many people don’t really consider this and then struggle with an inability to commit down the line.
It’s not purely external factors though, because it’s never about the other person.… [Read more...]