One of the things that’s particularly difficult to handle in life is rejection, more so while dating. Some people even avoid the process of dating so that they don’t have to cope with any potential ‘rejections’. I’m going to be honest with you here – yes dating does involve some amount of rejection but its not the end of the world if someone who you are not yet in a relationship with decides to part ways, in fact it’s not even a rejection in the real sense. Just like you have rejected people, you have got to be prepared for a scenario where someone may not be interested to pursue things with you. I keep hearing the same things from people, and to be honest I have felt these things too at some point in the past, things like..
“But we had a good time, why did he reject me? What is wrong with me?” Okay since when is someone deciding to not pursue things with you for whatever reasons an indication of your worth as a woman, or even as a human being. You are you, no matter who you are with or not. If they din’t want to take things further, that is their call, leave it be. They took a decision based on their perceptions and expectations, you are not responsible for that and it certainly has nothing to do with you.
Yes I’m not going to lie, there’s a chance they did not find you attractive in the same way you’re not going to every one you meet or date attractive. That’s OK. Attraction needs to go both ways for things to move forward. It’s about how two people sync together and if they didn’t feel it, trust me you’re better off this way. It will hurt your ego, and depending on your level of self esteem, it can hurt a lot. But it’s perfectly natural, chalk it up to life experience and quickly move on.
Also, know that some guys won’t even give you a fair chance, they just want to entertain and get the girl’s approval. It’s important to them to assure themselves of their manhood. Then there are guys who think they can do better than you which is different from simply not being attracted (chances are they are insecure about themselves). At the end of the day, you really have to ask yourself if you would’ve been happy with such an immature person anyway. I know from experience that people often have their own personal agendas and thought processes going on in the background, you have no way of knowing that. So the best thing you can do is not to take things personally, as hard as it may be and move on.
“What did I do to make him disappear like that? I am so upset!” Him disappearing on you has nothing to do with you, it’s more about his own insecurities and cowardliness. You’ve really gotta ask yourself, if a guy lacks the common decency to end things properly, how can he be expected to make a good partner? He disappeared because he can’t face up to you and doesn’t want conflict, in other words he’s a coward. People like this can’t be relied upon in the long run, and you should thank your absolutely lovely stars he disappeared at the time that he did.
In the internet age, one also needs to be realistic. If you’ve only interacted with them online or over phone, and not met them in person yet, then I’m afraid you need to let it go. An online interaction doesn’t mean much, actually not anything. Because you have no idea what the person is really like, whether they really are interested or not. It’s just a way to get introduced to someone, that’s all. Let’s assume if they had texted or called you to say no thanks, what then? If we were being honest with ourselves, most of us would come to realise that it would’ve pinched either way. Yes, it’s not cool but if you’re hurting over being ignored by someone you haven’t even met, then it’s a clue that you need to reflect upon it and come back to reality. Know that if this guy was potentially the one, he wouldn’t have disappeared.
“He was a great catch! I don’t know if I’ll meet someone like him again” Let me tell you this, if you are the kind that derives their sense of worth from the person they’re with, you can be sure you will never feel contended in life, even if you end up with that person. How you feel is directly tied to your self esteem, and when you feel great about yourself, you automatically attract the right kind of people. Sure, they’re great if being great is about how much you earn, how you look, how well you dance etc, but you and I know what the real deal is. If it didn’t work out, it’s alright. As long as your values are in the right place, you will eventually meet the right person, believe in yourself and stay positive.
“He said no, and I’m finding it really hard to get over it.. maybe I should just text or call him to give it one last chance(yet again)” They’ve made it clear that it’s not working for them for whatever reason, and they would like to move on. This is where your self esteem comes into play. If you are the type that will resort to chasing someone, let me warn you that it will be at best embarrassing and at worst, a totally humiliating experience. You calling or texting them is not going to change their mind, and even if they agree to come back, would you ever feel secure being with someone you had to convince to give you a chance? Do you really deserve it? Do yourself a favor and just let it go.
By the way, this includes if they did not explicitly state or act in an obvious way that they are not interested. We must have our eyes and ears open, and learn to read between the lines.
“I get so many expressions of interest on my dating profile, yet I’m still single, what does that say about me?” Stop wasting time by focusing so much on rejection and instead focus on getting to where you want to be. Maybe its time to go out on more dates, and spend less time online. Understand that there is a huge difference between wanting the right relationship and actually making the effort to be in one.
“He’s moved on and seeing someone else, while I’m still hurting, was I really that easy to forget? It’s just not fair!” So things didn’t work out, they’re free to date anyone they like and more importantly you’re free to get on with your life too! You can’t do that as long as you keep wondering about the relationship that never was, checking their facebook/dating profile, trying to see what they’re up to.. you get the point. He’s not obligated to time his moving on with yours, and yes some people do jump into new relationships to avoid their feelings, that may well be the case. So don’t use the outward ‘image’ they give out to feel like crap, instead just focus on your own life. It helps to lose the ego, and understand why things din’t work and if there’s something you can work on or avoid in the future.
Stop all this rejection talk in your head and replace it with positive action. The more you feed into negativity, the more you will feel like it’s reality. Often times we are rejecting ourselves in the process. Look at it as an experience from which you can learn and apply as you go along. The fact is that dating someone is not a relationship guarantee, it can go either way. Just because a date din’t work out doesn’t make you a failure. Its what you feel about you which matters in the end. This is why it is important to hold on to your self esteem, and not make every single thing about yourself. It is what will ultimately help you land into a relationship that’s right for you.
Hi, I’m Aishwarya! Whether you want to declutter your mind, become more self aware & confident in yourself, or resolve a relationship issue, i’m here to help you. Decode your emotional baggage and relationships through my deep and clear insights, no fluff advice and step by step action plans.